Getting lightly ‘caned’ is always a possibility at this academically themed venue, which resembles a set for TV’s Waterloo Road. Garbed in white lab coats, The Schoolhouse’s unlikely ‘chemistry masters’ dispense Mules in jam jars and other cocktails such as Teacher’s Coffee (Cariel vanilla vodka, Kahlúa, Orgeat, vanilla syrup, crushed cinnamon and Mission espresso – ‘strictly for adults’). There’s also a short list of global wines, plus ales such as Brugse Zot, Campus Premium and Paxton PA (from the London Beer Factory), along with fridges packed with bottled brews. Grub is dished out by the venue’s self-appointed ‘prefects’, and comfort food on school trays is the rule: ‘bottomless’ brunch staples, ‘tuck shop’ nibbles (fish fingers, grilled chorizo etc), burgers, buttermilk chicken, mac ‘n’ cheese, and suchlike. The bar’s Latin motto, ‘nescio quid dicas’ roughly translates as ‘I have no idea what you’re on about’.