MissSushi's review of Oslo Court

I have a suspicion that the previous reviews are fake. Only a person who had been incarcerated in solitary confinement for 40 years would give this ‘restaurant’ a 9 or 10 for atmosphere!
The entire dining room (table cloths, drapes, curtains, napkins) is swimming in a sickening colour of salmon-peach-pink. During the day (I once nearly had lunch there) the place looks as if it hadn't been properly cleaned in 20 years and during the night one is surrounded by admittedly happy octagenarians, swallowing chewfree overcooked ‘food’ which is drowning in mayonnaise/cheese rich sauces from a bottle, that contain more E-numbers than real ingredients.
There is a good reason why old fashioned belly busters such as Cordon Bleu, Steak Diane and prawn cocktail have nearly become extinct. Having these dishes swim in half a litre of pink gunk will not make them taste any better – it often just masks expired and poor quality ingredients.
When I was unfortunate enough to be invited for an evening meal there it all started with a plate of dried out discoloured cruditee' and a mayonnaise dip (from a bottle) at the bar. I was left completely unimpressed and we haven't even been seated yet. Then the horror followed: mass produced white breadrolls that one can buy frozen were brought to us, followed by our starters: an enormous seafood salad covered in a sea of bright pink thousand island dressing. The seafood itself had been either bought in already cooked or it had been pre cooked – it was like touching rubber – I did not even taste it, so revolted was I!
I had ordered baby scallops which came covered in a brownish sauce and tasted also pre cooked and not freshly prepared. Then I had a steak (nature) which was utterly average and a mountain of bland, boiled tasteless vegetables and my dinner companion had something that wasn't visible because it was on the bottom of the plate covered by yet again another disgusting sauce, this time light brownish in colour and apparently a favourite of Oslo Court patrons: a brandy sauce which should have been served in 1981 and with a straw please, so one can get to the meat. Amazingly he loved the food!! I guess there's a (erm) buyer for everything…
As for the desserts: although I had no pudding (I could not wait to get out of the old peoples' home and get myself to Maroush for a Kofta sandwich, i had barely eaten anything) they all looked completely average and uninspiring. Who needs a trolley and flamboyant dessert waiter when the fruit looks like it came from a can?
Overall the dining experience at Oslo Court can indeed be very unique, but to be honest i would not wish it upon anybody with healthy tastbuds. The portions are farm-animal sized, but that is irrelevant because the food itself is neither fresh and seasonal, nor prepared well.
From the decor to the menu, everything about this horrific place is dated, old, cheesy and long long gone. Maybe It is time that Oslo Court follows to Neverneverland, although in a city like London, full of amazing eateries, this restaurant is at least in the perfect location: a concrete, dusty, 70's block of flats.