In Parma by Food Roots

Most astonishingly bad lunch I've ever had!

Went to this place for a quick lunch on Wednesday. Huge mistake!

We ordered the “cheese and ham fondue with potatoes for two”. Here's what we got:

• 1 saucer with 5 overcooked, unseasoned boiled baby new potatoes sitting on a few rocket leaves between 2 people – 6 very thin slices of smoked ham on a piece of wood between 2 people – 2 small pots of cheese sauce, each being kept warm by a tealight underneath.
  

I am not joking. This was it. No bread, nothing else.

The potatoes were simply overboiled new potatoes.

The cheese sauce was bland and lumpy. Probably from a packet.

The ham was fine, of the quality you might expect from Waitrose. I guess there was about 100g of ham for 2 people.

We also had a glass each of fizzy lambrusco which, for reasons I cannot speculate about, were served in breakfast bowls as opposed to glasses.

Total cost of ingredients would be £ 2 at an absolute push. A 6 year old child could have prepared the food to this standard while simultaneously playing a demanding video game. It was the most ridiculously crap lunch I have ever been served, anywhere in the world. No kidding.

The bill? 36 quid for 2 people. Plus the fiver I then spent on 2 sandwiches from M&S.

I don't know whether the whole thing is an elaborate practical joke – perhaps part of a Channel 4 show where they serve comically poor food to members of the public at piss-takingly high prices and film peoples' reactions with hidden cameras.

Anyway, if you are hungry and want to eat – avoid this place like the plague. If on the other hand, you want to experience pretention on an epic scale, you are not at all hungry and you're prepared to throw money away to experience something truly remarkable in its own way, go for it. Be quick though. Whether they're joking or not, I suspect it won't be there for long.

The wine, cheese, charcuterie, ravioli, polenta ragu, salad and tiramisu were absolutely amazing. You can feel that dedication and a love for good ingredients has gone into the making of each dish. It is the best Italian food I have had in a long time and I travel and eat out a lot. It is also very well priced and will definitely become a regular for me.