34

HORRENDOUS FOOD. FANTASTIC ATMOSPHERE.
I'd read Jay Rayner's glowing review in The Observer, so was rather excited about our dinner for four last night. Upon arriving for a pre-dinner drink, we were impressed by the vibe – lovely decor, lighting and musicians by the bar. The bartendress was helpful and engaging, but not overbearing. And they'd provided a round table as requested.

However upon being seated, we were soon informed that five of their key dishes were unavailable. When ordering wine from the seriously inflated wine list, the wait staff failed to produce a promised sommelier. We managed without, of course, but that was aggravating nonetheless. Just admit there isn't one.

Starters were solidly disappointing. “Grilled artichoke” turned out to be some chunks blanched Jerusalem artichoke and two small bits of pickled artichoke on top of Romain lettuce drowning in uninteresting vinaigrette, accompanied by some very suspicious, unidentifiable batter coated rubbery balls. Maybe fried cheese balls..? I mentioned my disappointment to the waiter who proceeded to try and make some excuse about how it was prepared. Not relaly the kind of service one expects in a high end restaurant. A “Beetroot salad” equally had about three tiny bits of beetroot under various lettuces.

Given they were so hard pressed to deliver the whole menu and seemed to be poorly stocked for a Thursday night, I'd avoided ordering fish. Just seemed too much of a risk. The menu advertised a wide range of beef from US, Australia, Scotland, and Argentina. I went with an Argentine rib-eye medium rare. I'm quite sure it was not the 32oz as advertised and had none of the qualities of grass-fed beef, so I'm doubtful it was even Argentine. It was absolutely the most rubbery piece of beef I've since a tourist brasserie in Paris circa 1998. Overcooked, sure, but also something decidedly poor quality about the cut. You can get much better at a pub these days. A spatchcocked chicken was flavourless and accompanied by a heaving mound of flavourless and overly mayonnaise coleslaw. Side veg orders were mushy, overcooked and bland. Even the chips were dry with no potatoey middle and tasted of stale frying oil.

Perhaps the head chef, manager and sommelier had all decided to call in sick as a one off, but it was thoroughly disappointing enough that I'll recommend against dining at 34. Really a shame, because someone has got the ambiance right, but hasn't a care for food. Wasted potential.

One of the best restaurants in London, wonderful ambience

Positives:
Great atmosphere – lovely lighting and decoration with an older art-deco feel to it. Wood panels, low lighting, gold/black decoration. Piano player near bar added to the nice ambience.

Staff are kind – were receptive to our negative experience and did try to make it better – felt like they weren't experienced enough.

Cocktails are delicious – good menu and barstaff open to requests.

Negatives:
6 of us dining – everyone's meals were bad – tough meat, boiled vegetables with no flavour, bland. Fish was cooked OK but just bland. Could make better at home really which is a shame as this restuarant is meant to be a real dining experience. Sent my main back which was a spatchcock chicken – it was full of fat and really had no flavour and was overcooked. Sides were badly done and a real let-down – ordered spinach in garlic and olive oil and we received boiled spinach with no garlic and no olive oil. We were told this was a mistake but sets a bad tone.

One of the party a vegetarian – no real vegetarian dishes (surprising as sister restaurants in group all have separate excellent veggie menu) and waiter rcmnded spaghetti pomodoro – really? You can do better than that!

Service was not up to standard – although the staff were very nice and polite, they couldn't give good advice on the menu, got some of the order wrong and took an eternity to get anything done.

Very poor value for money given the bad quality of food.
Expectations were much higher given the group of restaurants 34 belongs to. Would not recommend other than for a drink at the bar.
Would not go back for food.

The restaurant is a buzzy, elegant long room with the bar at the far end, allowing time to walk the tables with a swift nose at what others have ordered if you are so inclined. Glam like Cecconi's (but not so noisy), like Corrigans (but a bit more intimate), and more compact than both. Lovely friendly, informal yet very professional staff. Menu with plenty of choice but still coherent, and nicely seasonal in parts (loved the minted Jersey Royals – must be the warm March weather bringing them along rather early).

Our table for four was rather alarmingly jammed next to a piano & musical bits which materialised as a jazz trio for short bursts through the meal, but despite our proximity the volume was very acceptable – I would have preferred a little distance however.

The food overall was very good, we ordered 4 different starters and 4 different mains so experienced a good cross-section of the menu.

My only gripe was over a salad described as ‘salt duck and pomelo with pickled ginger dressing’ which shouted to my tastebuds “pick me!” – but the dish consisted of only green chicory, separated into a pretty heap of leaves, in which nestled tasty slivers of duck and pomelo, dressed with a clean,asian-style dressing and a little scatter of purple micro-leaves…as chicory was actually the main ingredient and only real ‘salad’ component of the dish, it would have been good to know this in case you hated chicory (fortunately I don't – but chicory does suffer from the Marmite effect: a love or hate thing) and also a whole plate of the stuff was just a bit dull to eat as a consequence once I'd scoffed the tasty bits.

The others had the seared beef & noodle salad which was generous and smelled amazing, the grilled octopus & chorizo that smelled even more tantalising, and a tortellini primavera that looked very appealing but was being served at the far side of the table, too far for me to keep tabs on as we were enjoying our chat and catching up as well as chomping the food. The mains were all beautifully cooked and presented, and the wine was excellent and arrived at the right temperature for drinking immediately – not always the case in many places.

I think the pricing is pretty fair for standard of the place, where it is aimed in the marketplace, and the quality and quantity of the ingredients. So not expensive for where it sits – but I'd like to sit somewhere else next visit, please.

34 is certainly a slick, professional operation. It’s nice looking too, with lots of natural light at lunchtime and a flattering warm glow in the evening – Terry Wogan looked great in it! Food is bang on trend with its range of steaks flaunted in an appealing, user-friendly menu that also touts posh brasserie alternatives like grilled octopus with roseval potatoes and chorizo, and cep, truffle and prosciutto lasagne. Wines by the carafe and by the glass add further appeal.
But there’s something quite corporate about the room, and the prices reflect this too. Besides the £4.35 sides and £2 cover charge, an unpriced Halibut ‘special’ at just under £40 is steep.
Nevertheless the buzz and people-watching are compelling. And the restaurant has certainly hit the ground running – it looks like it’s been here for years, a myth the staff do little to dispel.

I went with my wife recently. Great location and impressive decor.

It was obvious it was not going to be value for money when I saw £2 cover charge on the menu. This for a couple of slices of bread & a knob of butter…which are taken off you during the meal.

For starter my wife had the chorizo & octopus – which was delicious. I had the artichoke risotto, a generous portion and I couldn't fault it.

I went for the Scottish sirloin for my main – it was massive. The accompanying pepper sauce was far from the best I've had and I regretted not going for the bernaise. I was very disappointed with the sides. I went for onion rings & fries – and I've had as good in burgerking – at £4.25 per side, I was very unimpressed.
My wife went for the pork belly with sides of mash potato & spinach. Annoyingly the pork belly comes with mash…which our waiter somehow managed to avoid telling us.

Finally we shared a rice pudding dessert which was simply delicious. I would go back for that alone!

We also had a carafe of beaujolais & reisling – both very good, and nice to have the option of the 500ml carafe.

The staff were faultless (except for not advising us that we were effectively ordering mash twice).

Final bill was £186. Very expensive for what it was, and I'd imagine there are dozens for restaurants in London where you would get the same for half that price.

Arranged dinner at 34 on a Saturday night with another couple only a few days after the opening. The place was already packed with the usual Mayfair restaurant clientele. All dressed in fur and dripping in beautiful jewels. These ppl rotate between all of the excellent Caprice Holding venues, and i can again confirm why.

The restaurant is designed in a simple elegant style. White crisp table cloths, a glamourous moody bar at one end and leather booth seating on one side of each table. There was also a grand piano and small band playing as we walked in for our 9:45 seating which was a nice treat.

The menu is very clean looking, some inspiring starters- all delicate sounding and detailed, many large cuts of meat and some fish dishes included on the main.

All the starters were well received, think the option we were all jealous off was the venison carpaccio which not only was bigger than the rest but looked more appealing.

For the main i had the cod which was excellent, served on lentils. The cod fillet was huge and i was very full afterwards. The boys had meat, naturally. They opted for a decent sized portion but nothing too large. However as we were sat near the open grill i could see ginormous cuts of beef being grilled. And all around us people were gorging on huge cuts off beef. Im not sure i have seen bigger to be honest.

Our waiter was knowledgeable on wines and helped us with choosing starters so no problems there.

All in all i would definitely come back again. The food bill was about £100pp to include 1/2 bottle of wine per person for 4. The prices are to be expected for high standards that are also seen in the other restaurants in the group.

Would you go to a restaurant for the atmosphere rather than the food? The answer for a lot of people, given the huge popularity that the Ivy still garners after many decades of mediocrity, would seem to be yes. 34 too could become another of those restaurants where you go to gawp, rather than to enjoy the food.

There was nothing exactly wrong with the food, but nothing memorable about it either, although there is no denying that the atmosphere is pretty good, some feat for a restaurant that has only been open for a few weeks.

Given that this is Mayfair, you are guaranteed a number of things:

• there will be a bar, and they will serve fine cocktails;

• there will be some hoorayed idiot(s) that you will want to punch; and

• service will be hit and miss.

And so it was with 34.

The bar is small, along the far right as you come in, has some fine spirits and a piano. Well I don’t remember the piano being there when we arrived, but it was there, being tinkled, when we left, so I suppose it must have been. The hooray Berk was at the table next to us, moaning loudly to anyone who would listen (not his companion, she being far to engrossed in her iPhone) about the steaks, and how could the waitress not know the exact provenance of each cow that had sacrificed its life to provide him with sustenance. Perhaps in this day and age, every member of the waiting staff should be expected to know not only the type of cow, but its name, date of birth and inside leg measurement. And service was indeed, hit and miss. More generally than not, it was a hit, but seemed to stumble over small things, like the second bottle of wine, which got lost in the ether between cellar and corkscrew.

So nobody famous was there, alas, but the clientele had that well-heeled glow, that only copious amounts of cash can engender. The buzz that they give off, and not just from the mobile phones that adorn every table, when not pressed firmly to ear, is a contented, happy with life one. The 1% at repast.

Food is solidly protein based, with two or three cuts of four different styles of beef (USDA, Scottish, Argentinean and Australian Wagyu). Admittedly the waitress should have been able to say what the general differences between these were but, when she couldn’t and went to find somebody who could, surely we didn’t have to put up with hooray Berk telling us that she should. What I can say is that the Argentinean was a superb piece of beef; juicy, strong tasting and cooked rare as asked. Maybe it could have been a little more charred on the outside, but that is nitpicking. The USDA went down well with our American co-diner, although I’ve always found that, whilst USDA is really juicy, it can be a little bland.

Rewinding to the starters, these too were perfectly acceptable, and as perfectly unmemorable as you’d expect from a place like 34. The onion tart (from Lincolnshire; the onions I am guessing, rather than the tart) came with a huge helping of almost totally tasteless sweetbreads. The chicken salad and caesar salad both got thumbs up, again, without being outstanding.

Despite skipping the deserts, the bill still came in at a hefty helping, but hardly extraordinary when you are in Mayfair, paying for the privilege of being seen with the other people paying for the privilege. So why then add a cover charge? That too is deeply, deeply annoying. I know it is only a couple of quid, but so what. Include the bread in the price, or at least let me decide if I want to have bread or not. Don’t plonk it down, unbidden and then charge for it.

I am sure that 34 (like the Ivy, Scotts etc.) will do just fine, despite what any reviewer says. That is because reviewing 34 as if it is a restaurant where people go for the food is simply looking at it the wrong way. It is the place to go, just to go. So go, enjoy the atmosphere, look at the way the moneyed crowd look, then go back to being one of the 99%.

We had high hopes for the restaurant from an organisation whch has achieved so much. The staff are chaiotic and need much more training. A surprise! The central theme is the meat offer which was below average for this type of restaurant. We spoke to the manager who asked us for our opinion which we explained. He response was to say that they have issues about their suppliers!

The vegtables and the fish starters were excellent and saved us reporting very poor.

The idea of the decor was very good but has not worked as well as one would have expected. The restaurant did not feel it was ready to accept paying customers.

In this crowded area of steak restaurants 34 has a long way to go to be good value for money

A superb addition to London dining. A beautifully designed room and welcoming and attentive staff make for a great start to an evening. There was an excellent jazz trio playing in the corner which further built the atmosphere. The menu is an interesting blend of classics and excellently executed. if service and cooking were that good in opening week I can only imagine how great it will be once they become comfortable in this plush Mayfair salon. MY only concern is how hard it's going to be getting a return table once word get's out that this is ‘THE’ new place!