Wheeler's

There's a reason the place is always half – or 3/4- empty. I was invited for my birthday and, despite the two back rooms having plenty of space- we were put in the front room surrounded by city types making too much noise.The food was a disappointment. I ordered fish and chips, what could be easier for a restaurant known for its seafood?
A small brown cylinder- I swear- arrived. I asked the waitress if this was the fish, as it looked more like a miniature loaf of bread.The fish was tasteless and the dessert was better, but how difficult is it to mess up an Eton mess?

I suggest the landlord start looking for a new tenant, because this place is surviving on it's good looks.

Firstly I have to say that the waiting staff here were great. Considering we went on a discount voucher, they couldn't have treated us better had we paid ££££s. They truly do not deserve to work in such an awful place and if anyone is in the market for good waiting staff, hot foot it down to St James's and rescue these poor souls.

Whilst I had read about the eclectic decor, nothing could have prepared me for how oppresive, sleazy and OTT it is in reality. I got off lightly as in my direct line of sight was a somewhat suggestive but otherwise inoffensive print of budding roses, my poor friend had an eyeful of Miss Whiplash for the entirety of the evening. What are they thinking? We fully expected some erotic dance act to appear at any minute…

The menu is not exactly inspiring but with so many classics, the expectation, particularly with this being MPW's “signature” establishment, was that they would be executed perfectly…oh dear. My prawn cocktail was a mound of shredded iceberg, with (granted) a generous serving of the world's tiniest prawns topped with a dollop of a somewhat bland Marie Rose sauce. It was ok but I make better myself. My companion's parma ham and avocado met the description but was plated with neither effort nor finesse. We both had fish and chips as main course – fish was fine but the chips had been heated to almost nuclear levels and were almost impossible to cut into due to the hardness of their outer skins. I don't mind admitting, I love chips and this is the first time I can recall that I finished my meal with chips remaining. We really could not face a stodgy dessert much to the consternation of the waiting staff ("it is included in the price").

On the MPW website there is currently a competition with a prize of dinner with the man himself at Wheeler's. I was half tempted to enter if only to see whether the quality of food improves when the boss is the diner. But then I thought of the headache I got from spending a few hours in that room and thought better of it…

First time here and I suspect the last as well; it was a bad choice made partly due to the association with Mr Pierre-White unduly raising expectations and also partly as it happened to be near work for the other diners – sadly it wasn’t for me and it felt like a thoroughly wasted journey.

There isn’t a lot to recommend. Food is fine, with massive portions, but it’s also remarkably unimaginative, think decent gastro pub rather than fine dining; for example, fish and chips, steak and chips, fish pie etc. nothing wrong with any of that but you would perhaps expect something a bit more adventurous.

I ate Parma ham with avocado to start – nothing wrong with it, but its exactly what that suggests, some very nice Parma ham with half an avocado sat on top – and followed this with roast rump of lamb with dauphinoise potatoes – again exactly as described with massive portions, so large in fact that we didn't bother with desserts, well that and the fact we were bored with the whole experience by then and just wanted to pay the bill and go.

Other than food though there is not a lot to recommend this and many reasons not to.

Firstly the room is depressing – it’s badly designed, curiously decorated, feels massively dated and the booth seating round the sides is horrible, its like being in standard class on a long train journey, you feel squeezed in with no arm or leg room and having to lean forwards as the seats are so upright.

Secondly the atmosphere – there isn’t any and it only got 1 as I can't award 0. On a Thursday night at 7.30-9pm a substantial venue had about 10 people dining there and the only things we could hear were some discordinate background jazz (which at best I hate) and a table of rather loud American tourists who thought that it was very exciting to be in London, otherwise we could have been in a morgue

Thirdly service – frankly the staff were all utterly disinterested, which would be bad enough, but they weren't short on numbers just on knowledge and motivation. Getting everything seemed to take ages and when asked a question they didn't have a clue what the answer was nor made any attempt to discover it, in fact you were made to feel like a thoroughly unpleasant imposition on their time for having asked it – one of those moments when Google on your phone produces a better response to the question “what is Lardo”

Value for money isn’t too bad in terms of food, though the whole experience is so depressing that it is made to feel far less so. I don’t see how this can survive given its desperately poor number of customers and its hopeless staff; getting the food right isn’t the only thing that matters. Give this a miss.

Not what it should be.
A starter of egg mayonnaise with watercress that consisted of three peeled boiled eggs standing on a plate with . . . yes, a blob of mayonnaise on top of each and two rows of sparsely delicate baby watercress may be precise in descriptive terms but was disappointingly short on style or effort. The two of us that had this were hoping for a ‘voila!’ moment on cutting into our first egg. No such luck. The disappointment of the first and lack of anything interesting after cutting into the second meant that we both gave up.
The halibut was pleasant but not as deliciously fresh as it should have been. Companion's mustard for his steak took 8 minutes to bring to the table. The very pleasant staff disappeared for so long after bringing the stickies' list that the coffee arrived first and we'd given up on the idea by then.
It's not a bad place and the interior gives much to discuss and smile at but, and it's a big ‘but’ – MPW's name is linked to this project and it's a poor showing for a man lauded as highly as he. Don't expect much and you might even be pleased. Expect MPW quality and you'll be sorely disappointed.

Would like to have written a review of last nights meal at the newly revamped Wheelers but didn't get past the front desk! Rather burly and unhelpful security guard on the door informed us that the restaurant was booked for a private party. As myself and 4 others were left standing at the front desk the manager appeared to say that it must be our mistake and we probably booked under the old management (Luciano) and these booking were no longer valid! When it was explained that booking was made through the phone number on Wheelers own website the manager then change tack and said that all customers had been phoned to explain that the restaurant had a private booking and cancelled their booking. I received no call hence standing at their front desk! A waitress was then despatched across the road to see if another restaurant could accommodate us she came back with the unhelpful news that they could at 10:30 it was now 8:30! We then went to Al Duca and had a great meal. Moral of this review is if you are planning to eat at Wheelers make sure before you travel that they have confirmed your booking as there customer care is somewhat lacking!