Don sunglasses before entering this sister café-bar to Deptford oddball, Little Nan’s. The Theatre Saloon, sited in Lewisham’s Grade II-listed 1930s art deco Broadway Theatre, is a glorious gallimaufry of discarded panto props, hilariously hideous furniture and sundry tat. At the bar, sweet, switched-on staff dispense bargain booze and banter in equal measure. Here, the cast of (pre-batched) cocktails go under such names as Lord Beppe Di Marco (a Licor 43 Mule), Dame Mystic Meg (a Chambord and raspberry Bellini), and Sexpot Scottish Santa (a fig jam and peated whisky, smoked Old Fashioned) – their recipes scribbled on lists hidden inside old comic annuals. Inexpensive wine adds to the draw, and in another reference to EastEnders, there’s house Pat Butcher ale on tap. To eat, snack on spaghetti hoops on toast, fish-finger sandwich, or chip butty. Tea and cakes are served on china presumably donated by the owner’s nonagenarian Nan.