Too cool for school

Social Eating House made me feel very old. I know that I am old; my age starts with a 4, depressingly enough, but it’s the first time a restaurant has ever made me feel like this – clubs definitely, bars sometimes, music occasionally, but not restaurants, at least not till now. It’s too cool for school, with the Soho setting, the staff in jeans, the music, the other customers – I’m going to just sit quietly in the corner and wait for death! Which is a shame, as apart from the overall ‘coolness’ it’s rather fine.

Let’s start with the atmosphere, since it’s a rather inescapable part of the experience. I still hate Soho and always have done, so it’s always a bit of an experience going anywhere where everyone is really thin, has angular hair and angular glasses and jobs in media or something creative. The vibe is part club, part bar, with really loud music and loud conversation – if you like shouting at the people you sit with you’ll fit in fine. Personally, I just wanted everything turned down a notch. And don’t expect, fitting in with that, you’ll get table clothes and fine cutlery etc, instead it’s a more basic experience than Mr Atherton’s other offerings – Pollen Street Social and Little Social – but somehow it just about works.

Service is a just a little bit off the fine dining experience as well. The waiters are all really friendly and happy to chat about the wine, what you’ll be eating etc., but there is just a slight element of disorganisation. Partly this might be down to the fact you don’t get a single person throughout, rather whoever is nearest, but also partly that the kitchen seemed to struggle with the volume of covers, in so far as gaps between courses were uneven etc. But, having said that, dining didn’t drag and it really helps when everyone is polite and friendly, you can forgive things being less than perfect. However, given the amazingly high standards in the rest of Jason Atherton’s offerings perhaps a small lesson to learn.

Food is again good, but just a couple of things stop me from saying that it’s great. I started with the mushrooms on toast – a single slice of toast in a silvery rack, spread with cep puree is carried to the table along with a pan with a plastic bag in which your fat, garlicky mushrooms have been steaming in butter and rosemary, the bag is snipped open with scissors and away you go for a stunningly tasty version of a classic. My main course was plaice with shrimps, cucumber, charlotte potato and mousseline sauce, lots of flavours, each clearly discernable, but it wasn’t much more than warm and also was rather small – I could have eaten at least 50% extra and not felt full, but the people I dined with all got decent sized main courses so perhaps this was my fault in having chosen slightly badly. Dessert was lemon curd pie with peppered pastry crust and sour yogurt sorbet – a ‘deconstructed’ pie without anything like a crust, but lovely inventive tastes with a wonderful sticky, sweet and biting lemon offset by clean sorbet.

Value for money is always subjective, particularly when you aren’t paying the bill, but 3 times 3 courses, wine, water, service and at least one other drink each came to £235, which didn’t seem unreasonable.

I’d go back, though next time probably not in a suit straight from work, maybe a lunchtime or even a weekend, when I could at least have time to recover from being with the cool kids.

Little brother comes good

We all hate little brothers don’t we – especially when they are out having fun and you are hard at work. When they go travelling, clubbing and hanging with the cool kids, whilst you toil away.

Little Social is Pollen Street Social’s younger, less slick, but slightly edgier, brother. But whilst Pollen Street got himself a nice suit and started work, Little Social decided to do some travelling, stopping off in France and acquired a few vaguely battered edges to make him more interesting, together with a musical taste that would do a ‘festival dad’ proud.

Having been to the two of them on two consecutive days (sorry Mr bank manager – I will try and be more responsible in future) both came out of the comparison very well, each offering something slightly different.

I’ve already reviewed Pollen Street Social and its somewhere I can’t stop going to, as its one of my favourites in London, with that smart but not fussy look and food.

Little Social is more wannabe French bistro – a long, narrow and slightly dark room with French posters, red leather banquette seating (which is very comfortable), dark wooden floors, maps of France on the walls etc. Sounds odd but actually works quite well, though it was loud with both the festival dad soundtrack (think the likes of Groove Armada and Massive Attack) and noise from other tables – including a frighteningly dull man droning on about how his Matlab model could populate his Excel spreadsheet and someone two tables away who (I don’t think was doing it ironically) had a full ‘Keith Lemon’ haircut and sunglasses on his head.

Staff are excellent – clearly from talking to them many have been with Jason Atherton a number of years, some back to his time at Maze, and they like and respect him. Service is fuss free, accurate and charming.

Food is very good, not quite as excellent as across the road, but a really high standard none the less. I started with summer risotto and it was as good as any I have eaten outside Italy, coming with peas, broad beans, pea shoots and pancetta and arriving hot, with exactly the right consistency, not rice pudding but not dry or sticky clumps either – an absolute triumph that I’d eat every day for weeks on end before getting tired of it. Main course was halibut BLT – a decent sized wonderfully firm piece of halibut, which was just slightly too salty, coupled with a thick slice of bacon, braised baby gem and tomato flesh, minus the skins and pips, cooked in herbs and wine – somewhat bland unfortunately, but a good idea. Dessert was pink peppercorn meringue with mango and passion fruit filling – it tasted like summer even when the weather was once again cold and rubbishy outside.

Value was really good – £180 for 3 times 3 courses, wine, water, service and a couple of other drinks. Seems a bargain when I paid more like £225 for lunch for 2, with 2 times 2 courses, wine, water etc over the road.

I will definitely go back and in a couple of weeks time I’m off to meet the third sibling at the Social Eating House.

Nice for a relaxing drink

Having been for lunch and decided that an afternoon off was in order we went to the Polo Bar.

At 4.30pm to 7.30pm on a Friday it was a very enjoyable experience. It’s warm and cosy, though the air conditioning did seem to be having a bit of an off day so there were the odd few random hot/cold blasts. The music is fine, suitably chilled and funky and everything is spotless – the only odd point is that the chairs are too low for the tables leaving you feeling like you're reaching up to get your drinks.

We didn’t eat, other than some rather nice, though rather salty, nibbles so I can’t comment on food. Drinks were good if pricy, but perhaps that shouldn’t come as a shock given the area.

Service is really good; they remained patient with us even as we got rather drunk and a little silly.

The bill was a sobering £195 for 2 of us; though I suppose 6 glasses of champagne, 2 large glasses of Malbec and 3 vodkas will do that.

I’d definitely go back – once my hangover has faded and my wallet recovered.

Far too mixed to be great

The Wolseley is rather like Pippa Middleton’s bottom – its come to epitomise London and be one of its biggest tourist attractions, but its also just a touch overrated and doesn’t deserve the degree of national interest it garners.

First things first and yes The Wolseley is notoriously hard to book – I managed to get a table for Friday lunch, but the earliest they could seat us was 2.15pm and even at that stage it was packed and continued to be so throughout. The tables are far, far too close together; never mind hearing everything from the people next to you, you could help yourself to their bread if you wanted and the overwhelming sensation is noise and buzz such that you have to lean forwards to hear what your friends are saying/shouting at you.

The room itself is attractive in a very old school way – it reminded me somewhat of reception at the Bank of England and feels like a trip straight back to the 1920s/1930s. Customers are a real mix – everything from the ladies who lunch, complete with Chanel bags and red soles, through hedge fund staff celebrating deals and taking the afternoon off, to tourists with fleeces and backpacks who had popped in for tea and seemed very excited about taking pictures of cakes using massive zoom lenses.

Service isn't really good enough for this sort of venue; the waiters seemed distracted and on at least a couple of occasions wandered off mid way through taking our order. At least things seem to arrive quickly and there aren’t any mistakes, so despite giving the impression they aren’t paying any attention clearly they are.

The food was a really curious mix of the rather lovely and the distinctly mediocre. I had tarragon roast chicken with mushrooms as a main course and it had the distinct air of having been reheated – everything was a bit shrivelled and dry but my friends fillet steak was rather nice. Sides of new potatoes (not boiled quite long enough), roast carrots (delicious) and broccoli with parmesan (average) were bang on trend in carrying forwards the mix of good and bad. Dessert was definitely a high point – I would happily have eaten just about everything on the menu and settled on lemon meringue ice cream which was absolutely delicious as was my friends black forest gateaux (even if it was like a small slice of 1979) – next time I go I’ll have 3 desserts!

Prices are steep – though it is Mayfair so perhaps to be expected. We got through £150 for 2 for lunch with 2 courses, water, wine and service – if it came in at £110-£120 I’d have felt a bit more warmly disposed to it.

Overall I found it disappointing – for similar money I’d rather go to Pollen Street Social as the food and atmosphere are far better, even if that is almost as hard to book.

I feel a bit of a fraud writing a review for somewhere that I only ate one course in and was in an out in under 1 hour, but as a quick lunch option near Westminster its fine – not exceptional, but good enough.

Service is a touch chaotic – they are all very nice, but don't seem to have quite worked out who is doing what. As a result you don't get ignored, rather every 2 minutes someone is by the table doing something or asking you the same question you've already been asked by their colleague.

Atmosphere is a little odd – but perhaps a freezing cold Monday lunchtime, early on, was never going to be the best option. Customers are a mix of almost entirely middle aged male suits (like me) with the occasional hotel guest stuck out like a sore thumb and a few people using the restaurant as a cut through to get back to their hotel rooms. There is no music and tables are too close together, but the decor is pleasantly bland in that way that only hotel restaurants seem to manage and there is enough natural light that you don't feel trapped in a bunker.

Food is fine, though not perhaps as described. I had fish and chips – you get a choice of both which fish you'd like and which chips – I went for battered halibut with triple cooked chunky chips. The fish was perfectly decent, a good sized fillet in light batter that arrived hot, the chips – whilst wholly edible – were definitely not triple cooked, perhaps I'll have to try the Parmesan and truffle ones next time!

Value for money is always better when you aren't paying the bill – but 2 main courses plus water and service came to £32, which seems alright to me.

I'll go back again.

I've never been to any Hix before, but will certainly be returning to the one in Brown’s Hotel in Mayfair.

Hotel restaurants and restaurants in hotels are very different things. A hotel restaurant always summons up visions of Alan Partridge and his big plate in the Linton Travel Tavern, but this – like Marcus Wareing at the Berkeley – is a restaurant in a hotel: it’s somewhere you’d make a trip to rather than eating there solely as you happened to be a guest. It’s also the Paul Smith suit of restaurants – classically English, but with a twist, which doesn’t just come from the Tracey Emin neon sign (one of our party noted that apparently the Cameron’s have similar in Number 10) and the shrubbery on the tables.

Sure, going out on a Tuesday the week that the big snow (or the latest few flakes) hit was never going to be a great plan – London was a wasteland and even the usual denizens of Mayfair in all their Eastern European guises – you’d think they’d be used to snow – had vanished. But Browns was like a welcoming beacon and having been guided to our tables amid the wood and leather and modern art – and some pictures that looked rather like they’d failed to make the cut for the Joy of Sex (not on account of the lack of sex, more the lack of beards and, quite possibly, the lack of joy) – we sat down huddled together with the other patrons for warmth. Strictly speaking it wasn’t cold at all, so not sure why we were all put together at the far end of a two thirds empty restaurant. Whilst it was quiet (no music and not much chatter) and not busy, strangely I found it a really nice place to be, with a welcoming atmosphere.

Service is generally good, with a few quibbles. The quibbles seem to be on drinks rather than food, where the wine list took the long route to our table, as did the wine itself. Otherwise everything else was prompt and there weren’t any mix ups, and we got as much, properly freshly baked, hot bread as we could eat – which was a lot; it almost turned into a competition between us and the staff as to whether we could get though it quicker than they could refill us.

The food was really rather good. Don’t expect molecular gastronomy or sexy sauces and dribbles of jus (oh er missus!), expect classic dishes executed to a consistently high standard. The menu is rather similar in tone to Roast, with a focus on meat and some fish, vegetarians wouldn’t find much suitable and I would imagine a vegan would come over feeling a bit faint. I started with winter vegetable broth with pearl barley (not withstanding the line above) which was ideal for a freezing cold night, full of flavour and arriving so hot that even I had to take it a bit slowly. This was followed by 5 fat scallops with whipped (think mashed rather than some deviant scenario) potato, chorizo and sea purslane – all very confidently done with lovely meaty scallops – and then ginger parkin with vanilla ice cream, could have done with a slightly stronger ginger flavour, but lovely for a winters night.

Value for money wasn’t too bad at around £75 a head for 3 courses, water, service and a reasonable bottle of red wine and a couple of other drinks.

Overall a surprise, but a really pleasant one. I’d personally liken it to Koffman’s, but I think I prefer this and will definitely be back to see if it lives up to this on a second visit.

This was my first visit to Marcus Wareing, taking my mum for her birthday.

It’s really nice, but ultimately I preferred Gordon Ramsay at Royal Hospital road as that just seems to do the really high end fine dining experience a little better; the service is smoother, the food nicer and the décor better in Chelsea than in Knightsbridge.

You’ll either love or hate the décor at Marcus Wareing – I didn’t like it much at all. Its gloomy in the extreme, everything is heavy, dark purple, subdued lighting, leather, velvet etc – if Morticia Adams opened a high end brothel I’d imaging it would look something like this inside (not that I have experience in the matter of brothels!). Atmosphere is pleasant though, lots of buzz rather than noise, tables a decent distance apart, etc.

Service is generally good, though there is a slight air of condescension that can occasionally creep into it, but everything happens smoothly, with no hold ups, no mistakes, no awkward waits etc.

The food is generally a high standard, though the one complaint I’d have was that nothing that was supposed to be hot was hot when it arrived, in fact it was barely warm; yes it was all presented perfectly but I wish they’d taken just a bit less time plating up and instead considered getting it out whilst it was a bit hotter. I started (after the usual pre starters, lots of lovely bread – I can definitely recommend the potato and honey – etc) with salmon ravioli on a bed of beetroot, slightly bland flavours and not as good as the exceptional equivalent from Mr Ramsay. This was followed by exceptionally good lamb (best end and confit) with vegetables and bacon – the lamb was meltingly soft with wonderful flavours and seasoned to perfection; if only it had been a bit warmer! Dessert was lemon and meringue, a sort of deconstructed meringue pie if you will, but deeply rich slices of lemon more like tarte au citron, with meringue swirls. It was all very good, but strangely unimaginative for 2 Michelin stars.

Value for money is always debatable when eating somewhere like this – we did the a la carte menu at £80 for 3 courses, which when you’ve added wine (the wine list is both expensive and extensive), water, service, pre dinner drinks etc., turns into closer to £130 per head.

Overall I’m glad I went, but if doing it again I’d probably go at lunchtime to take advantage of some natural light and the good value deals they do at lunch.

I suppose I should start with a confession – I was lucky enough to have won £120 towards my dinner in Square Meal’s ‘Be the Critic’ competition, so I didn’t pay the full bill, but also I’d like to think that didn’t influence my views either.

Aubaine is a small chain of restaurants. I went to the Mayfair branch in Dover Street for my prize; the staff, in particular Laura, were really helpful sorting out the arrangements and didn’t have any difficulty with my usual attempts to move the goalposts by turning a meal for 2 into a meal for 3 and also accommodating our late arrival thanks to traffic problems. That good experience with the team continued on arrival with everyone really polite, helpful and friendly – the service doesn’t have that ultimate polish that you get in the top London restaurants, but also it’s not burdened with the occasional snobbish distain that accompanies that.

The restaurant itself is long and narrow, with lots of pale, warm tones and jars full of highly coloured meringues and macaroons, which looked lovely, but strangely didn’t seem to feature on the menu. Table are quite close together, but we went on a cold Thursday night and it wasn’t packed out so that wasn’t a problem.

Food is surprisingly good – I must confess to having had relatively low expectations, mainly as it’s not somewhere that I’d normally think of going, but starters and desserts were as good as anywhere I’ve been recently – in fact both better than Koffmans, which is far more celebrated.

I started with artichoke soup with truffle, it arrived properly hot, which is always a pleasant surprise, was really thick and creamy with loads of warm flavours. I followed this with supreme of chicken with side dishes of spinach and French fries, the chicken was a little bit drier than I’d have ideally liked, but other than that everything was fine. Desserts were from a selection of cakes and pastries – one of those moments when you really want to have one of everything on offer, since they all looked fantastic and I love cake, but I settled on a raspberry tartlet, which was excellent, great pastry and really fresh flavours.

The bill, if I had been paying it in full, was £185 for 3 – which for 3 courses, water, service, a bottle of wine and 2 glasses of champagne in somewhere based in the heart of Mayfair seems pretty decent value.

I enjoyed it and will be going again, though I think that perhaps it would make a better lunch venue than an evening venue.

Thanks both Square Meal and Aubaine.

Those with long memories may recall the site at the corner of The Berkeley hotel as the Boxwood Café, part of Mr Ramsay’s culinary empire. Those with even longer memories might recall it as Vong. So, it’s perhaps with some trepidation, given restaurants don’t seem to last here, that I find myself reviewing Koffman’s, the latest venture from the man who used to in charge at La Tante Claire, now site of Mr Ramsay’s signature restaurant in Royal Hospital Road.

Pierre Koffman is a name to inspire foodies everywhere and the latest venture is a very nice addition to the fine dining restaurants in London, though at least unlike some similar establishments it doesn’t get lost in its own importance. Hotel based restaurants are always a bit of a risk, but at least this has a separate entrance and doesn’t really seem like part of the Berkeley, but I’d guess at least half its custom comes from the patrons round the corner.

It feels grown up inside; it’s not stark or particularly sexy, more a Mercedes than a Ferrari, lots of muted colours, nice white linen etc. On being seated you get a wonderful selection of bread, almost too much to get through, though we saw it as a challenge and did some serious munching, sampling the full range and it’s all really tasty – I liked the olive, but loved the croissant which came in a novel muffin shape. Food and wine ordered from the excellent staff we sat back and waited, but fortunately not for too long given, despite the bread, we were all hungry.

I started with the Coquillages, which is a light shellfish broth with langoustines and scallops – lots of really interesting flavours, but also a couple of slightly rubbery bits of shellfish amongst the otherwise perfectly cooked selection. I then followed this with Roasted monkfish with French bacon and baby leeks and hats off to them for the best monkfish I’ve ever eaten, big thick slices wrapped in bacon, with leeks, buttery carrot ribbons, lovely tasty fries and side orders to share of spinach and potato gratin. This was followed by the much vaunted Pistachio soufflé with pistachio ice-cream – sadly this wasn’t half as good as I expected; you know that funny, slightly waxy, taste you get with a mint Aero, that you can’t quite place, but know its not mint, well this was a bit like that. So overall the food was good, but rather let down by a couple of touches that you might have expected to be better.

Service was consistently excellent and all just worked.

Atmosphere was ok, but not fantastic; we went on a Thursday night at 7.30pm, so it should have been prime dining time, but despite this the restaurant was half empty and the music you could vaguely detect in the background was a curious sound like a 1940’s wartime broadcast that wasn’t quite tuned in properly.

Value for money was reasonable, 3 courses, water, wine and a dessert wine each, plus service, came to about £80 per head, which seems better than Scott’s and worse than Pollen Street Social.

I enjoyed it and hope it lasts long enough that I get to go again.

In my ongoing quest for interesting lunch venues in the Westminster area I booked Quirinale to meet up with a friend who I’ve not seen for ages. It’s a perfectly decent venue – certainly not somewhere worth making a special trip to, but if, like me, you work 5 minutes walk away it’s a good option.

Despite being in the basement and also rather small the dining room managed the difficult trick of being both light and spacious, if ultimately a bit bland. The atmosphere was fine, not exciting, but not noisy, cramped or stuffy, just lots of suits having lunch – like me!

Service is efficient and effective – you get what you ask for and it turns up without awkwardly long waits which makes it ideal for a quick lunch. The only downside did seem to be the slightly strange insistence on repeatedly offering the rather good selection of bread – I think we saw the basket/tray on about 4 occasions, which was at least twice too many given we’d already refused any more after the first round.

Food is brilliant value – the lunchtime set menu is £19 for 2 courses and £23 for 3, which stands comparison to almost anywhere half decent in central London. Add on a bottle of water and 12.5% service and the entire bill came to about £45, which split 2 ways is a very nice option.

Food is good rather than stunning. I had spiced pumpkin and amaretti soup to start, credit for the fact it was properly hot rather than merely warm when it arrived, thick and had some interesting flavours. This was followed by spinach and ricotta gnocchi with parmesan and roast tomatoes – nicely cooked, and filling, but just a slightly bland set of flavours. We skipped dessert.

Overall I liked it – it certainly wouldn’t stand out as one of the finest Italian restaurants in London, but it’s a nice alternative from some of my usual haunts and somewhere I’ll be going back to.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to miss Bank as I work about 5 minutes walk away, but somehow I have, at least until the other day, but having discovered it I’ll be going again.

I went for lunch with a friend and we only had a main course and coffee each, so I feel a bit of a fraud writing a full review, but thought I should scribble a few words given I liked it and I’d like other people to discover it as well; even though its not perhaps somewhere you’d make a special trip to, but well worth the stroll down the road.

The restaurant has a conservatory on the rear with views over a private courtyard and if you go on a sunny day, as we did, it feels really light and airy. The tables are decently spaced, with comfy chairs, so you don’t feel like you can steal the neighbours bread (or indeed hear their conversation) and staff are polite and efficient. We were also both amused by the selection of photographs of the Queen’s guards doing unusual activities – look out for the synchronised swimming in particular!

Food is good rather than exceptional: I ate smoked haddock and leek risotto with a poached egg and credit to them for the risotto being the right texture (so often elsewhere it veers between rice pudding or dried out) and properly hot when it arrived, though it could have done with a slightly stronger and less ‘safe’ taste. Coffee was perfectly decent.

Value for money? Just over £40 for 2 main courses, a bottle of water, 2 coffees and service, so fair enough really.

It’s not amazing, but they’ll definitely be seeing me again, and around the Westminster area, that is a bit devoid of decent options, that’s not a bad recommendation.

Is Scott's the best restaurant in London?

Judging by most of the comments here the answer would seem to be yes. But not for me – it probably wouldn't make a top 10. 

Yes some things are very good, but others you expect more than it delivers. 

Service is excellent: staff are great – helpful, polite, efficient, know what they are doing and do it without any fuss. When I turned up for lunch and let them know my friend was going to be a few minutes late, as she always is, they offered me a newspaper and kept checking back to see if there was anything I needed, but didn't do so in an overbearing way. Sadly the booking experience isn't quite so good – the online option doesn't work on anything from Apple, and they aren't great at actually answering the phone, so lose one point for this.  

The atmosphere is slightly strange – its really old school Mayfair with panelled wood, tiled floor, dark bar and art on the walls and it all looks horribly dated and would benefit from being brought into the new decade with a makeover, I fail to see why people rave about it. Tables are far too close together, one of my pet peeves, and whilst the noise isn't excessive it's not a place for a private conversation. 

The food is not as good as I expected. We shared a starter of Parma ham and nectarines – it was fine, but hard to go wrong if you use decent quality ingredients. For the main course I had roast cod with shrimps and samphire – strangely bland and not a patch on Murano or Pollen Street Social where they really know how to cook fish – which is odd for somewhere that prides itself in being one of the best fish restaurants in London. My friend ate the steak which was a better option from the sample I had – though I didn't really rate the chips it came with. Dessert was the chocolate bombe with passion fruit – a wonderful piece of theatre, where the hot chocolate sauce is poured and the bombe eats itself to reveal the caramel and popping candy centre, but not a great dessert, though I'm not the biggest fan of chocolate desserts anyway and it was my friends choice that we shared.

Prices are high – wine comes with the Mayfair mark up where anything decent is £50 upwards. Main courses are reasonable at approx £25 though expect to pay extra for side dishes, which always seems a bit of a con. Starters are expensive as are desserts. Two main courses, water, shared starter and shared dessert, bottle of white Rully plus service came in at £175, so expect if you were both eating 3 courses that you wouldn't be getting out for under £100 a head. Incidentally do we really need the £4 cover charge? It's a bit naughty really to pull that kind of trick. 

I didn't hate it and expect I will go again as it deserves a second chance, but it didn't live up to expectations – its one of those places where you go as much for the experience of having gone as for what it delivers. For the sort of prices it charges I think you've got a right to want more and would far rather go to Pollen Street, which is way cooler and with better food. 

My first time at l’anima, but certainly not the last.

I know several other reviews have knocked the service – personally I found absolutely no reason to complain about it. Everyone was really polite, there were no mistakes, you didn’t sit with an empty plate or glass, there wasn’t any ferocious up-selling, no long or uneven waits between courses, the bill arrived without having to be chased: in short everything you could want and on a par with the best I’ve had anywhere.

The atmosphere is reasonable, but not great. Its one of those places where 95% of the customers are in suits on their way home from work – as I was. The tables are decently spaced, everything is immaculate, if a touch bland and unadventurous, the main gripe was noise – you can’t pick out particular words from surrounding tables, just a general din. We did mention this to the waitress who told us that “everyone says that”.

Value is fairly good, though I think that does depend a little on the choices you make as there are a few main courses at over £30, which I still tend to regard as the preserve of a Mayfair postcode and a Michelin star, but there are some quite good set menu options as well. I paid the bill and 3 people, 3 courses, wine, 2 bottles of water and a couple of glasses of prosecco came to just over £225, or around £75 per head.

Food is very nicely presented, very fresh and in a novelty for much of London arrives when it’s actually still hot as opposed to merely warm. I ate fettuccini with mushrooms and black truffles to start, followed by pork belly with mash and honey and paprika sauce and had lemon zeppola to finish (it’s a choux bun type of arrangement filled with lemony custard). Everything was perfectly pleasant and I think the main or probably only negative was it was just a bit bland – there were no strong flavours or real bite, it just felt a little like the chef had played just a bit too safe.

Having had a few disasters elsewhere recently I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the whole experience and will definitely be returning.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh deary dear. Perhaps we were just exceptionally unlucky, and I know a lot of other reviewers have had nice things to say about The Gun, but it’s amongst the worst 3 experiences I’ve ever had in a restaurant and I would never return – not even if I was personally invited there by Scarlett Johansson in order to pick up the keys to my new Bugatti and my cheque for £5 million that I’d won.

I’m really not sure, as it was so utterly catastrophic that it’s less shooting fish in a barrel than launching a nuclear strike on it, where to start but let’s go for the atmosphere. We went on a mid week evening when the English summer time, such as it is, was trying to put in an appearance – none of us had ever been but it gets good feedback and the Times had it in its top 30 best pubs to go to when the sun is out. It was packed and the tiny dining room – which is just one end of the bar – was cramped, so hugely noisy we had to shout at each other across the table and because so many tables were rammed in every time any of the staff or customers went past we got jostled. Not a good start, but maybe the food, drink and service could rescue things? Or maybe not!

Let’s do the service next – I’ve never refused to pay a service charge and demanded it was removed from the bill before – but there is a first for everything and this was that first. On arrival despite having a reservation we were just left to stand around for several minutes, when we got to our table we were promptly abandoned and a menu only made an appearance when we asked for one. Drinks didn’t arrive, water took ages and was warm when it did arrive, bread only turned up after we’d finished our starters and only then as we’d asked for it yet again, white wine was served warm and an ice bucket wasn’t offered – again it had to be asked for. When one of the main courses was sent back – more of which later – we got a distinctly surly challenge around what the problem was. Everything took too long, we sat with empty plates in front of us – in fact the only thing that did arrive quickly was the bill, and this is the only thing they do get some credit for – they at least had the decency to apologise for it being a disaster and took the bottle of wine off the bill, its the only reason I’ve gone as high as 2 for service.

The food was awful. We eventually got starters – I’d gone for Cold poached Scottish salmon, Jersey Royal, bobby bean and quail egg salad, crisp shallots – the salmon was ok, the rest appeared to have come from packets in a supermarkets bargain range with limp salad and hateful potatoes that simultaneously managed to be cold, greasy and undercooked. The bread when it arrived were, I believe, those part baked rolls you can buy in a supermarket and stick in the oven for a few minutes – sadly they hadn’t gone in for long enough and were undercooked. Then having endured this we went for a main course – in retrospect this was a serious mistake and we should have just got in the car and gone. My main course was Slow roast Middle White pork belly, crushed Jersey Royals, glazed carrots, red wine jus – for the first time ever I sent a dish back: the first time it appeared I suspect, although I’m not a pathologist so cannot be certain, the pig whose belly I was eating had been run over by a rusty van, cremated following its death and then handed to me to eat. Having sent it back the second version wasn’t a whole lot better, it at least wasn’t so crisp that it looked like an English football supporter on holiday in Spain, but it still left a huge amount to be desired having just about reached edible status. I can’t comment on dessert – by that stage of the evening we just wanted to go and so summoned the bill, refused to pay the service charge and made a swift exit never to return.

Perhaps you’ll have more luck, but if this is a gastropub then perhaps I’ve got a chance of Miss Johansson making the call to ask me out to pick up my prize! Avoid this at all costs, ii thought it was a disaster

I seem to have been coming here on and off for at least the last 10 years and, bar a refit some years ago, it never changes; which is both a good and a bad thing.

The menu is almost unaltered over the last decade, and it felt a bit dated 10 years ago, and they’ve made little attempt to move with the times in terms of décor or staff – some of whom have worked there the entire duration of that period, but that does give it a consistency sadly lacking in many places.

You always know exactly what you are going to get, particularly if you’ve ever been to Il Bordello in Wapping as the menus are almost identical, and that is massive quantities of simple, unfussy food from a wide menu (all be it lots of variations on a theme e.g. around 25 different pizzas) at good value prices; around £12-14 for a main course, desserts at around £7 etc. If you want a pizza the size of a sports car wheel, or enough pasta to fill up an Olympic athlete preparing for a particularly strenuous training session this is the place – and it’s generally very good (I’ve often though the Pizzas were amongst the best I’ve had in the UK – though sadly they are still not like you get in Italy), but rarely, if ever, exceptional. If you want the latest tastes in innovative fusions then look somewhere else as you won’t get it here.

The staff are generally friendly and I think most of them seem to know me and many of my friends and family as it seems to be somewhere I’ve been with most of the people I know at one time or another.

Atmosphere is mixed; sometimes it’s packed out, other nights you can be one of very few. Summer is nice if you get to sit outside and try and catch some of the sunshine that is all too rare in the English summertime.

I’m sure I’ll be back again and doubtless it’ll be much the same as every other time.