Luncheon Vulture's Reviews

I first visited Albannach a few years ago just for a swift drink, but had always earmarked it for a return visit, probably with a whisky loving friend in tow. Instead of which it was a special offer courtesy of Telegraph Selected that enticed me back last Friday evening.

On arrival, the welcome was not exactly warm and as we were a wee bit early, it was suggested that we had a drink in the downstairs bar, being that our table was in the ground floor area. I don't think I have ever done a u-turn quite so quickly. The lower level bar was, even that early in the evening, a shrieking mass of young people with the air of a somewhat seedy club (if my memory serves me correctly – such days are well and truly behind me now!) We quickly retreated to the other bar where the service was somewhat better than the initial welcome. It still is a whisky drinkers paradise, but I'm not convinced that the surroundings truly reflect the ambience required for true whisky appreciation…

The menu is somewhat limited, but for once, this is a restaurant that does what it does, well. I could not fault my smoked salmon or steak, both in terms of quality or portion size, but neither represent a particuarly exciting choice. The restaurant does however, have quite a “tired” feel to it, reflected perfectly in the way the menu pages were all somewhat curled, well thumbed and quite grubby. Must be one of the first restaurants I have been to in this price level that had no daily specials or additions to the menu, and overall, the restaurant just feels like an afterthought to both bars. Without the Telegraph offer we would have been looking at a total bill of around £150 – not excessive for central London, but I can think of many other places I'd rather pay that to…

A word of warning, they turn the lights down very low as night falls – I then managed to miss my footing stepping down from the slightly raised platform where we were seated. Fortunately I just suffered some bruising to my knee, hands and pride… More

Firstly I have to say that the waiting staff here were great. Considering we went on a discount voucher, they couldn't have treated us better had we paid ££££s. They truly do not deserve to work in such an awful place and if anyone is in the market for good waiting staff, hot foot it down to St James's and rescue these poor souls.

Whilst I had read about the eclectic decor, nothing could have prepared me for how oppresive, sleazy and OTT it is in reality. I got off lightly as in my direct line of sight was a somewhat suggestive but otherwise inoffensive print of budding roses, my poor friend had an eyeful of Miss Whiplash for the entirety of the evening. What are they thinking? We fully expected some erotic dance act to appear at any minute…

The menu is not exactly inspiring but with so many classics, the expectation, particularly with this being MPW's “signature” establishment, was that they would be executed perfectly…oh dear. My prawn cocktail was a mound of shredded iceberg, with (granted) a generous serving of the world's tiniest prawns topped with a dollop of a somewhat bland Marie Rose sauce. It was ok but I make better myself. My companion's parma ham and avocado met the description but was plated with neither effort nor finesse. We both had fish and chips as main course – fish was fine but the chips had been heated to almost nuclear levels and were almost impossible to cut into due to the hardness of their outer skins. I don't mind admitting, I love chips and this is the first time I can recall that I finished my meal with chips remaining. We really could not face a stodgy dessert much to the consternation of the waiting staff ("it is included in the price").

On the MPW website there is currently a competition with a prize of dinner with the man himself at Wheeler's. I was half tempted to enter if only to see whether the quality of food improves when the boss is the diner. But then I thought of the headache I got from spending a few hours in that room and thought… More

It's rare for me to return to any restaurant, particularly when time is not of the essence and there is a wide range of eatery options in the vicinity. As such, it is a huge confession to admit that not only have I been to Bishopsgate Kitchen at least four times in the past few months, I've also not yet managed to get past one particular dish. Now granted, poached duck eggs on ratatouille, manchego with sour dough does not sound like a must-order, but ohmigod, it is just such a lovely combination of flavours and colours, especially when you pierce the egg and a wonderful creamy yellow oozes onto the ratatouille. Comfort food that feels like it should be good for you, genius! I tend to agree with the previous reviewers here although have to stay that I have found the staff somewhat stand-offish, although they do tend to warm up as the meal progresses. I wasn't too bothered by the all glass frontage, although a vista onto the RBS building is perhaps not everyone's cup of tea! That said, you won't be that bothered by the view once the food arrives. I'm back there tomorrow and really want to attempt the HUGE burger, but can already hear the eggs a-calling!

Ohmigod – courtesy of the Square Meal search facility we stumbled upon this as a place for pre-dinner drinks and were absolutely blown away by it. Just a beautiful room with the most gi-normous display of lillies I have ever seen anywhere. Their scent added to the really chilled out feeling you get on entering the bar – a wonderful and swift antidote to the stress of negotiating a path amongst the Oxford Street Saturday evening shoppers. Unfortunately we only had time for a glass of fizz, but will undoubtedly return to take advantage of possibly the most extensive champagne list I have ever seen. The staff were very professional and attentive, even though it was clear that we were en route elsewhere. Luckily our restaurant reservation was at le Gavroche otherwise we may have been kicking ourselves for not staying on for dinner in Texture. Will definitely return…soon!

“You cannot be serious” I muttered to my friend who had suggested this as a lunch venue, remembering the one and only time I had been in this previously grotty, soul-less pub. “No, no, it's really changed” she enthused shoving me through the doors before I had chance to turn and bolt in the opposite direction. How right she was; walking in I experienced that ‘messiah’ moment, normally reserved for participants in home makeover shows. A wow factor indeed.

Fortunately we had booked as it was pretty busy relatively early on in the lunchtime period. We were seated immediately by very friendly staff – indeed all the waiting staff were efficient, friendly and helpful. My friend, from a previous visit, recommended main courses only given portion sizes and she was not wrong. Her burger was huge and my warm chicken salad was certainly an ample lunch dish. Both were very well executed and presented – particular mention has to be made of the chicken which was the tastiest and succulent piece of meat I have eaten in a long, long time. Another huge plus point is that most of the wines are offered by the glass – as City lunches aren't what they used to be a glass is sometimes all we have time for and it was refreshing to be offered something other than the standard Pinot, Sauvignon and Chardonnay.

The only downside to our meal was the inconsiderate large party behind us who managed to squeeze about 14 people onto a table designed for 8! Their whooping and yelling at every new arrival to their party was an unwelcome distraction but given the amount of alcohol they were shipping in, it was clear that they had no thought for any other diners in the vicinity. A shame but more a comment on the behaviour of some people these days rather than a direct fault of the pub itself, although perhaps they could have done something to deter the crowd that at times gathered around the table. That said, the food and staff are such that this will be added to local lunch venues and recommended accordingly… More

Although it does not live up to its name, (I found it a somewhat soul-less place in terms of the room, the service, ambience and atmosphere), the food is nigh on fautless. I started with the intriguing charcoal scallops with n'djuia whch despite being a more than ample serving, I could have easily eaten over and over again. As this was a lunchtime with work beckoning into the afternoon, I opted for a pasta main course of fidelini with fresh crab – although this did not exactly live up to its “spicy” warning on the menu, it was a beautifully cooked, fresh and tasty dish. For dessert, we both had the pannacotta with coffee spumane and our giggles when two dishes of what can only be described as boob-shaped blancmange arrived, were clearly lost on the waitress. Clearly too young to remember Benny Hill or any of the Carry On's! The dish itself was a wonderful concoction of flavours and soft textures, once the initial hit of espresso wore off.

I would definitely recommend and return to l'Anima but it would be a much better experience if only the staff were just a little bit more friendly rather than perfunctory. We had to ask for everything and although we were not in a particular hurry, it would have been nice to have had a little more attention paid to us, especially given the prices charged.

Having experienced enjoyable meals in both its sibling restaurants, we thought it time to try the Forge for a relaxing Sunday lunchtime. Unfortunately, it quickly became clear that this is the poor relation of the family by a country mile……

It started well enough. The restaurant itself is very pleasant, with a bright and welcoming interior, even on such a grey and dismal day. The décor more than lives up to how it is represented in the photographs on the website. However, the layout is not exactly conducive to providing excellent levels of service. It comprises a series of interconnected rooms, which meet centrally at a small lobby/reception area. As such there is nowhere really for waiting staff to loiter unobtrusively, making it difficult for the diners to see, let alone beckon a member of staff, or indeed for staff to monitor the progress at each table. This may explain why we were offered bread immediately on sitting down, but our order for aperitifs, was not taken for some 10 minutes or so later.

To the food……disappointment upon disappointment. Each dish was nigh on poorly presented, tepid and pretty tasteless; the only exceptions to this general rule being the tempura prawns and the main course lamb. For once we were grateful of the minute portions as very little left you with the feeling of wanting more, although we would suggest that the “T-bone halibut” is rewritten on the menu using a lower case “t” to avoid any misrepresentation issues in future. Particular note needs to be made of the side dishes. As each of the mains comes with very little in the way of accompaniments, you are forced to order additional dishes each at the princely sum of £3-3.50 each. We were somewhat under whelmed to receive the tiniest portions of each vegetable dish; cauliflower cheese comprised one large floret, of indeterminate colour that appeared to have been grazed in a cheese-like paste of quite an alarming colour (think Red Leicester!) Dauphinoise potato was just a lump of potato… More