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21 April 2014

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Blog Reviews from fatmanclaphand

(menu)

Fat food critic burning those calories off one clap at a time.


  1. Published : Tuesday, 18th June 2013

    The Fish & Chip Shop | Fish & Chip Shop: off the scale

    I've already written a Fish & Chip Shop review. They send you an email asking for your thoughts the very next day. In fact, they are very up on technology: you can book online and get a text straight away; the waiters all have iPads (more on that later); and their pricing is years ahead of 2013. By which I mean they must be predicting some pretty wild inflation, because I've never paid £70 in a fish and chip shop before. But then I've also never had such good fish and chips – except the one time I cooked them myself with spectacular results (see my instagram). The beer batter, made with Beavertown beer was light and crispy, the fish white as snow and fresh, and the mushy peas absolutely perfect, with just a hint of mint and lemon and a lovely skinless texture. The dish of the day, though, was starter – called "fried particulars" – which were, bafflingly, deep-fried mushy peas with soft ham hock in the middle. Only three came but I would have happily chomped through ten of them. Special praise should also go to the Knickerbocker glory dessert, which was as retro and ridiculous as I'd hoped...

  2. Published : Tuesday, 12th February 2013

    Meatmission | MEATmission: Holy Hell

    If there's one thing sure to give you a 4pm energy crash at the office it's sitting in a darkened church, drinking a pint of 5% Sierra Nevada and demolishing a chilli-topped burger with chips at 1pm on a Friday. And with God as my witness I said I would do it again. MEATmission, the sister of MEATliquor, opened in a former mission near Hoxton Square at the start of the year. Quite how the poor souls who founded the place, and who's names adorn plaques on the walls, would feel about this transformation is now irrelevant. In this modern age it will have more evangelists through its doors as a burger bar...

  3. Published : Monday, 11th February 2013

    Salt Yard | Salt Yard: brilliance on tap(as)

    Tapas is like Gangnam style. All around the world people are doing it, but no one's doing it well. It's usually the tricky leg movements that lead most people to end up doing a sort of bastardised Cossack dance. My simile kind of falls apart at this point, but I don't have to labour it because Salt Yard would nail a metaphorical Psy tribute. It is a rare restaurant: a perfect concept, pulled off completely, and would by no means embarrass itself at the office Christmas party...

  4. My first impression of Bombay cafe Dishoom was not a good one. Nor was my first impression of the man huddled in the doorway with a can of "premium" strength lager, silhouetted like a cardboard cut out by the restaurant lights.I thought of approaching him and asking if this was the entrance, but the possibility of him being the doorman vanished when I realised he was talking animatedly to himself. It turns out that was the back door, which confusingly is on the main street. You actually have to go around the back to find the front...

  5. Published : Wednesday, 8th August 2012

    Koya | Koya: chewing the duck fat

    Frith Street glistened with new fallen rain, and I stood hunched and hooded. There was no shelter as the sky spat at us again, and again, and again. It had no right to rain. It was August. Any showers should at least be followed by that baking hot sun that breaks through, like when you open the oven door without knowing it was on. The people around me huddled under foldable umbrellas too small for one, let alone two. She was late, but it didn't matter. We would have to wait anyway, because it had happened again. I was queuing for my dinner. I shouldn't moan. We queue in McDonald's and no one moans, so why moan when a better meal is in the offing? When it comes to Koya, that comparison isn't that unfair. It's a noodle restaurant. In Japan it's fast food. It's everywhere. Whether it's as good as Koya I don't know, but I hope it is because I wasn't that impressed. If every Japanese street had a Koya on it, I think the questions I left the restaurant asking myself might be answered quite quickly. And that could only spell trouble...

  6. Published : Tuesday, 17th April 2012

    Artigiano | Artigiano: ciao Bella

    Dinner with the parents. Is there anything more pressured? Yes. Obviously. But choosing a restaurant for your parents is fraught with difficulty. So much so that I feel rather hard done by having to choose, given that it was my birthday. But the annual celebration of my escape from the womb meant I had to once again prove my mettle. Choosing Italian took seconds, choosing the restaurant did not. In the end, I found the closest, poshest Italian place to my house and crossed my fingers. Artigiano was the lucky venue, and it turns out that we were rather lucky too...

  7. Published : Wednesday, 7th March 2012

    Meatliquor | MeatLIQUOR: bap to basics

    Dinner with the parents. Is there anything more pressured? Yes. Obviously. But choosing a restaurant for your parents is fraught with difficulty. So much so that I feel rather hard done by having to choose, given that it was my birthday. But the annual celebration of my escape from the womb meant I had to once again prove my mettle. Choosing Italian took seconds, choosing the restaurant did not. In the end, I found the closest, poshest Italian place to my house and crossed my fingers. Artigiano was the lucky venue, and it turns out that we were rather lucky too...